I feel like the Christmas season turns me into a crazypants sort of person, and I don’t even know why. I don’t go all out with the decorating, the gift shopping, the holiday cooking, the parties, etc. In fact, I’ve done almost nothing holiday-related this year. I put up a tree and finished my shopping a couple of weeks ago. I’ve been to a low-key Christmas gift swap. Something about the manic frenzy of everyone else pulls me in by association.
This year, it seems worse. I’m attributing it to job stress, and worrying about my aunt (who is still in the hospital, but is now out of ICU!) and the fact that I’ve gotten more wrapped up in the media coverage of the Sandy Hook massacre than I should be. No one should every allow themselves to get wrapped up in any sort of media frenzy. It’s akin to being the chum in shark infested waters.
I lost it yesterday after work. I came home through a violent thunderstorm that abruptly opened up into clear blue skies and some of the most beautiful light I’d ever seen. So beautiful, in fact, that I stopped, right in the middle of the road, to whip out my camera and shoot some pictures of green grass and Crayola Cadet Blue skies. I felt lucky to see such a sight. Then, as quickly as the beauty arrived, I turned things ugly by being too short and brusque to my husband right when I walked in the door. It just happened. I felt like an ass – an ass who can’t be nice to people she should be nice to, but can worry about people thousands of miles away who are unaffected by her.
So, I’m going to work (again) on trying to be nicer to all people, to not be so annoyed by little things, to actively work to spread goodwill and happiness. That’s what this whole season is supposed to be about, right?
Things, this time of year, should be beautiful. Like this.